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  Wisdom and Humour      Sunday, 17 January 2021  

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Wisdom and Humour

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The Art of the Put Down
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These glorious insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words.


The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor:

She said, "If you were my  husband I'd give you poison."

He said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."

A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or  of some unspeakable disease." 
"That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress."

"He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston Churchill

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."  Clarence Darrow

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it."  - Moses Hadas

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of  it." - Mark Twain

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.." - Oscar Wilde

"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker

"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" - Mark Twain

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go...” - Oscar Wilde

"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination." - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

"He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx


   
They said it...
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"My advice to the Trustees of my Estate could not be more simple. Put 10% of the cash in short-term government bonds and 90% in a very low cost S & P 500 index fund." - Warren Buffett

"The fundamental cause of the trouble is that in the modern world the stupid are cocksure while the intelligent are full of doubt" - Bertrand Russell

"The best lack all conviction while the worst are full of passionate intensity" - W.B. Yeats

"Work gives you meaning and purpose and life is empty without it" - Stephen Hawking (on stopping work)

"Things may come to those who wait, but only the things left by those who hustle" - Abraham Lincoln

"If you can't explain something simply, you don't understand it well enough"  -  Albert Einstein

"I wholly disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it" - Evelyn Beatrice Hall (not Voltaire)

"Our goals can only be reached through a vehicle of a plan, in which we must fervently believe, and upon which we must vigorously act. There is no other route to success." - Pablo Picasso

"If you deny to anyone else the right to say what they think is wrong, it will not be long before you will lose the right to say what you think is right. Defense of the freedom of others is self-defense" - Colliers National weekly - 1922

"A lack of transparency results in distrust and a deep sense of insecurity" - Dalai Lama

 "I tell my daughters, "What sets you apart is what you are willing to do for others. Anyone can put on a dress and makeup. It's your mind that will define you. Find out who you are, what you think, and what you stand for. And fight for others to have those same freedoms. A life of service is worth living". - Angelina Jolie

"Every decade or so, dark clouds will fill the economic skies, and they will briefly rain gold. When downpours of that sort occur, it's imperative that we rush outdoors carrying washtubs, not teaspoons." - Warren Buffett

"Most things are only a part of your life because you keep thinking about them. Positive things happen in your life when you emotionally distance yourself from the negative things. So stop holding onto what hurts, and make room for what feels right. Do not let what is out of your control interfere with all the things you can control" - Sophia Shrestha

"Peace of mind comes from not wanting to change others" - Gerald G Jampolsky

"The problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude about the problem. Do you understand?” - Captain Jack Sparrow

"Sometimes you will never know the true value of a moment until it becomes a memory" - Georges Duhamel

"A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds" - Ralph Waldo Emerson

"The only value of stock forecasters is to make fortune tellers look good" - Warren Buffett

"The past is a foreign country: they do things differently there" - Leslie Poles Hartley

"Give thanks for what you are now, and keep fighting for what you want to be tomorrow." - Fernanda Miramontes-Landeros

"Excess on occasion is exhilarating. It prevents moderation from acquiring the deadening effect of a habit" - W.Somerset Maughan 
 

“If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they’ll kill you.” ― Oscar Wilde

"The advantage of telling the truth is you don't have to remember what you said" - Rita Mae Brown

"Be not angry that you cannot make others as you wish them to be, since you cannot make yourself as you wish to be" - Thomas a Kempis

"Great minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, small minds discuss people" - Eleanor Roosevelt

"If you are going through hell, keep going.” – Winston Churchill

"The first requisite for success is the ability to apply your physical and mental energies to one problem incessantly without growing weary" - Thomas Alva Edison

"Work spares us from 3 evils - boredom, vice and need" - Voltaire

"Markets can remain irrational a lot longer than you and I can remain solvent." – John Maynard Keynes

"A lot of people go into debt just to keep up with those who already are" - Anonymous

"Whoever does not regard what he has as most ample wealth, is unhappy, though he be master of the world" - Greek Philosopher Epictetus

"Happiness is achievement divided by expectations. So anything that encourages over expectations is a potential problem" - William James

“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.” - Nelson Mandela

"Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured" - Mark Twain

"A soft word turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger" - Proverbs 15:1 

"Life is not meant to be easy, my child: but take courage: it can be delightful" - George Bernard Shaw

"I contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle" - Winston Churchill

" It does not matter if you try and try and try and fail. It does matter if you try and fail and fail to try again" - Charles Kettering

"Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful" - Albert Schweitzer

"Success seems to be connected with action. Successful people keep moving. They make mistakes but they don't quit" - Conrad Hilton

"If you don't read the newspaper you are uninformed, if you do read the newspaper you are misinformed." - Mark Twain

"Normally any change requires some lift in emotional intensity for the change to take place. The trigger for change is discomfort not pleasure. Don’t be afraid of discomfort, it is essential for high performance" - Unknown.

"I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury." - Groucho Marx

"I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap." - Bob Hope

"I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: - " No good in a bed, but fine against a wall" - Eleanor Roosevelt

"I told you I was ill" - Inscription on Spike Milligan's Gravestone

"I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back" - Zsa Zsa Gabor

" By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher" - Socrates

"Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience" - Oscar Wilde

"Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination" - Oscar Wilde

"I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened." - Mark Twain

"It has been said that "time heals all wounds". I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessons. But it is never gone." - Rose Kennedy

"Don't ask anyone to help guide your steps, if you are not willing to move your feet" - Unknown

"If at first, the idea is not absurd...then there is no hope for it" - Albert Einstein

"People don't really give up because it's hard. People give up because they don't have a good enough reason to keep going" - Dave Brown

"Genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration" - Thomas Alva Edison - Inventor

"More people fail, not because they lack knowledge or talent, but because they quit." - Shiv Khera

"I am a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work, the more luck I have." - Thomas Jefferson

‘Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.’ - Thomas Alva Edison

"A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul". - George Bernard Shaw

"Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys." - P.J. O'Rourke, Civil Libertarian

"The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of the blessings. The inherent blessing of socialism is the equal sharing of misery." - Winston Churchill

"Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to the know the difference" - Niebuhr

"Grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know that one is me" - Unknown

"Grant me COFFEE to change the things I can change and WINE to accept the things I can't - Unknown

"In general, the art of government consists of taking as much money as possible from one party of the citizens to give to the other." - Voltaire (1764)

"A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which debt he proposes to pay off with your money." - G. Gordon Liddy

"To educate a person in mind, but not in morals, is to educate a menace to society." - President Teddy Roosevelt


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